Crying Isn't What Wolves Do
by calleighstorres
Summary: Wolfe finally cries for the first time in a long time. Contains mentions of Wolfe Whumpage! [REWRITTEN]


**\- Disclaimer : I don't own the song lyrics or the show 'CSI: Miami' and its characters. This is for entertainment purposes and I do not take credit for anything used in this fan made story. [Edit: Rewritten!]**

**Hasn't been beta read. Sorry for any mistakes or grammatical errors. :p**

**Song Inspiration / Cry by Kelly Clarkson**

**Summary: Ryan cries for the first time in a long time.**

**Chapter warning / Wolfe Whumpage! Mentioned.**

_"CRY"_

He didn't want it to happen. But it did. Ryan hadn't cried since he was seven years old. Purely because it became part of his emotional defensive mechanism. He refused to let anyone see him in any form of vulnerability. Especially his co-workers. They already didn't like him and he didn't want to bring on any new problems for them.

* * *

It felt like his skin began to sting at the unnatural feeling on his cheeks. Tears escaping his tear ducts and running down his face. He silently watched himself in the mirror with the sadness he'd not displayed to anybody he'd met since he moved to Miami. Ryan hated crying. And here he was, being in an unfamiliar state with those forbidden drops of water finally being released.

He remembered all those times he'd almost gave in though he managed to keep his walls up. Ryan never liked letting people in. Which is why he kept to himself so much. He was generally a strong person who could hold himself up no matter what brought him down.'

In the mirror, it reflected a Ryan Wolfe he didn't recognise. The Ryan he'd tried to leave behind in Boston. With bloodshot eyes and gel-ridden, towel dried dark hair that was all tousled. His dress shirt undone and his belt half hanging from his jeans. It was so sudden when he lost it. Things had been running through his mind and his body began to ache in all the places he'd received injuries to.

A nail to the eye. Broken collar bone. Badly bruised eye. Fractured wrist. Broken ankle. Bruised knee. Popped socket in his shoulder. Broken ribs.

And he felt like he was stumbling as he got a little closer to his reflection.

* * *

It had taken him so long to find a place in the crime lab where he wasn't stared at or whispered about. To everybody else, he was just Speedle's replacement. He'd thought of himself like that for a while once it got inside his head. He went to the memorial site and visited Tim's grave. Something changed when he did. It'd given him a little more inside into his role on the team. What? That he wasn't just a successor. He was a scientist and he had a job to do. Ryan didn't even let anyone see that they had gotten to him. He wouldn't let a frown slip.

He'd also felt like that since Horatio didn't call him his first name. Although he knew it was because his name was too similar to his brother Ray's and he'd gotten used to 'Mr Wolfe', it still didn't feel right. The youngest CSI felt like he was on a different tier of closeness with their boss in comparison to Delko and Duquesne. Even Natalia was closer than he was to Lt. Caine and it did hurt a lot. He wondered if maybe it was because he was too afraid for anyone to see what was beneath the layer of his work persona in comparison to the real him. The Ryan who had always been the nerd. The victim. The bystander. He supposed that not only did he want to follow in the footsteps of his family by being a police officer, but, he also wanted to show that he wasn't a victim. He was the one fighting for the justice other people didn't get.

Ryan stared at the stitched up stab wound on his torso. The black eye he had on his 'better eye'. The gash on his cheek. He'd been gone for almost a week. Kidnapped by some fugitive and there had been no notice until the seventh day he was stuck in an old building, hands taped behind his back around a pillar.

He vividly collected memories of his torture. Whip lashes along his back that left nasty red marks only to emit long lasting pain. When he was smacked across the face with a gun, hence the cut on his cheek. Nights he'd scream, wishing someone would hear him in his helplessness. _It felt like it would never end_. And all the things he'd forgotten in Boston came back to him. Everything he'd tried to forget flooded into his mind.

When he was finally found, he was stood over the body of a man with a gunshot wound and a gun on the ground. He'd shot that guy after he'd found a sharp enough piece of metal to break the tape lying on the ground.

He'd ignored everybody that had come his way and had made his way to the ambulance, pushing away anyone that tried to assist him. He didn't want their pity. This time it was no mistake. A whole week. Even after a few days, they should be worried. Wolfe was a workaholic who spent a lot of time working. If he wasn't for more than three days without a word, surely it would be a concern.

But he guessed he was wrong.

'**_Why won't this just all go away?_**'

The tears started again. All he could do was blink. He was too weak to wipe the tears away and pretend like everything was okay. Ryan's walls were crumbling down and there wasn't a thing he could do to prevent it.

People would ask him if he was alright, and all he'd ever reply with was '_I'm fine_'.

The most classic response for '_I'm awful_.'

The more he cried, the more he wanted to break something. He was defenceless with nothing to use except from words.

_"Are you sure you're okay?"_

_"I'm fine."_

Why did he lie straight through his teeth?

He was sick of being the one everyone always saw as a liability. A weakness.

It had only been two days since he was found after being kidnapped again. Nothing had really changed. The same isolation he'd always felt had never left him in the first place. It never seemed to end as these same things happened in one big loop.

Ryan punched the mirror, causing it to shatter at the impact of his fist. Though he now had knuckles covered in bleeding cuts. Pieces fell to the floor from what was a few seconds ago a mirror, now a pile of shattered glass.

A massive sigh escaped his lips. He felt only numbness at his self inflicted pain. Like it was the only thing he could feel.

The sound of a gun is the only thing he hears ringing in his ears. When he pulled the trigger and shot the guy who tortured him. He deserved it to a debatable extent.

All he wanted was to have somewhere he knew like it was his home.

But he wasn't ready to speak to any of his colleagues. Not until he had forgiven them for leaving him out like that. Though he said it was fine, his heart didn't agree. It had angered him that he had this mental statement to himself that he didn't matter every time he was the one who had really been let down.

Nobody saw through his façades that masked his true emotions.

He questioned himself in a whisper, still staring at the broken mirror that now only showed bits of his reflection. Ryan felt so betrayed at heart. That still, after what happened last time - he still wasn't first on the priority list.

Was it so selfish of him to want to be cared about?

_He didn't know yet._


End file.
